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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) qatana_jo | |
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Its been a year since I was able to train in aikido. A year without direct physical practice of Presence, of Conflict Resolution, of Letting go of Ego/Self-Image. It used to be Important to me that my rank in the dojo stay 'proportionate" to that of my kohai, students of lower rank than my own. I *had* to continue to outrank them by however many I did when they started training.
After my second kyu test I hit a plateau in my training, for two years my technique apparently stagnated and I plugged along without improvement distinctive enough to warrant my first kyu test (this would be the last test before Black belt, or Shodan).
When the first year went by without being invited to test I was surprised at how little attachment I really had to my rank any more.After 2 more testing cycles I found that I was both elated every time my juniors reached a rank closer to my own. And more & more resigned to never advancing, and spending less & less time training & more time finding something else to do. Until I realized that I had gone from caring too much about my rank to not caring enough, and asked Sensei if I could begin to train for my First Kyu test "within the year"
That was the week before I injured my hip.
I was worried that I would lose everything I'd gained in my behavior and Presence. That without that constant practice of having people try to hurt me and both avoiding letting that happen AND avoiding having to fight back that all my old bad behavioral habits would return full force.
Well, three steps forward, two steps back and after a year off the mat something Interesting is happening. Maybe its that I have supplemented my time off the mat with that Gratitude practice, with the reprogramming of my Polarity, with accepting that sometimes my body just doesn't want to do this Right Now.
I'm still Training.
Every time I write a post or make a comment is a test. Sometimes I fail the test but more and more and more often I can "post &delete" or even better, Not Say It At All. Sometimes I have to talk extensively about Not Saying It, and sometimes I succeed better than I could ever fear or imagine. Yes, fear of success is in there for sure...
Tomorrow my immediate Sempai (senior to me student), who remained at my rank, 2nd Kyu for something like 15 years (she was off the mat for 10 years & was orevented from testing for several years after by circumstance) is testing for her Shodan and three of my kohai are up for my rank, 2nd kyu! And the only thing I found myself being negative about was "why didn't anyone tell me when the test is?"
I am SO happy for my fellow students and thrilled that all the boys are becoming equal to me in rank, this means when my 1st kyu test does come up, threre will be plenty of partners of equal or higher rank for testing partners. And they're all better than me anyway.
So when the next tests come around, Mark will be a first kyu and for the first time someone who is "on the books" junior to me will outrank me! I feel Mark is senior to me anyway, he trained for years before me & then took time off, as did Jim.
So many of us have gone away, taken time of from training and we all come back.
And I have passed a Test of some kind, as well.
Needless to say, I don't go to Dickens Fair tomorrow, I go Sunday. I have to go see the Tests.
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shinysayyadina | |
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I’m taking a break from a document to write something a bit cheerier.
Everything at the office feels tense and irritated. I can put on my
music, but it still feels funny. Worst of all I am still tired despite
a vat of coffee and plenty of sleep. I do not need to be tired right
now-but am. Anyway, the cheer:
Reading: Almost finished Tam Lin then have So Fey: Queer
Fairy Fiction up next. Still working on Viridarium Umbris
though that is a slooow and wonderful read-been working on it since
October. Very dense and very rich.
Writing: Working on a poem about “The Maiden Without Hands” and
working on the dream story, so productive again. Someday I will type
that I actually finished and then, well , things will be much
different.
Wearing: Black palazzo pants, boots, wine tunic, grey longsleeve shirt
and purple cardigan over with Alicia_Stardust’s California necklace.
My BPAL is Black Temple Burlesque Troupe-yum. Also, blue mascara,
black eyeliner and marshmallow lip gloss.
Planning: Hogswatch tonight. Likely being snowed in tomorrow and need
to play Sunday by ear completely. Work on the hat I am knitting
(lovely alpaca). Sleep.
How about you? What are you RWP?
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) cat_lovers
sleepykelvina | |
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A few weeks ago, we adopted a gorgeous tortie kitty. She is two years old, very sweet and friendly. My husband and I fell in love with her at the PetSmart this local rescue group was working out of, and took her home. We named her Isabell. We have a resident kitty, a 5 year old Maine Coon, also female, named Madeline. They didn't take to each other so well in the start, but three weeks later, they can at least be near each other and not throw a hissy fit. Anyways, here's where the problem comes in. Isabell had an accident on the futon. I immediately packed her fluffy butt off to the vet, where we found out she had a UTI. We were given antibiotic pills for her, and we figured that was that. She piddled on the futon a second time, but I figured it was because I didn't get the smell of the first incident completely gone. We threw the mattress away. Then a few days later, she went on the couch. Thankfully, most of it got on an old blanket, but I sprayed the couch cushin down with Nature's Miracle and used the little sample packet of Felaway we got from the rescue. We also confined Isabell to the bedroom so her box would be always close at hand (paw?) We're taking her back to the vet on monday for a follow-up, to see if she needs another round of antibiotics. But I'm really worried the UTI is merely incidental, and not the cause of the inappropriate urination. Madeline has made it clear that she is the dominant cat and Isabell might be upset about that. But that's hard to say until the vet gives her a clean bill of health. In the meantime, we're getting waterproof covers for the beds and furniture, and perhaps a Felaway diffuser for the living room, which is where all the "accidents" took place. I'm scooping both boxes daily. I'd like to add a third, but we have no place to put it. We live in an apartment and we cannot afford to pay for new carpets if she soils them. My husband has said that the cat has to go if she continues to pee outside the box after the vet says she's healthy. This really depresses me, because Isabell is such a sweet and loving kitty. So all that said, I'm looking for advice, opinions and whatever words of wisdom people can offer. I've lived with cats all my life, but this is new territory for me. Is there anything else we can do to make Isabell more comfortable? Is there anything else we can do to curb the inappropriate urination if her issue is behavioral? ( Pics of the Fluff Monster below the cut )Tags: new addition, pictures, urination issues
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